The Truth about Motherhood Burnout

We don’t talk about it. Why? Because the truth about motherhood burnout simply adds to the already long list of mom guilt. How dare we feel burnt-out on the little gifts we were given. So many women aren’t fortunate enough to have children, who are we to be ungrateful for the ones we have?

Motherhood. It’s two parts exhilaration and one part exasperation-or is it the other way around?

Heidi St. John

There are several definitions of burnout:

“a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped.”
“a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.”
“a condition experienced by workers and other professionals, in which they develop depression-like symptoms as a result of aspects of their role.”
“a special type of work-related stress”

If you feel or have felt any of these things in your motherhood journey, I am here to validate those feelings.

The truth about motherhood burnout

“A form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped”

Exhaustion. It is so easy to become exhausted in motherhood. Let me be clear, being exhausted as a mom is normal at whatever stage you are in. There is always something going on. Whether on your actual schedule or not. There is always something.

“Mom, I need______” is a phrase that always comes while I am trying to do something around the house. I feel like I can never accomplish one task, without having to stop and do another. On an average day, I probably stop unloading the dishwasher at least three times to break up a fight, wipe a butt, or check on a loud bang from someone’s room.

In addition to the non-negotiable chores of laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making meals, packing lunches, grocery shopping, etc. come the “random” things that pop up. Taking sick kids to the doctor, making sure prescriptions are filled, taking kids to and from practices, signing papers, meeting deadlines, etc.

There isn’t just “home life”

Then there is the variable of work to throw in. As if you are not swamped enough with affairs of the home, working moms have all the responsibilities of their careers to add to the exhaustion.

Unfortunately, the society we live in doesn’t typically allow “my children…” as an excuse for not getting things done at work. This is part of the reason I left my teaching career of a decade, to become a stay-at-home mom. When it came down to having to make the choice in prioritizing my job over my children, I chose them.

That being said, thankfully we were in a position to make that choice. There was a time I wouldn’t have been able to make that sacrifice. Not to mention, women shouldn’t have to sacrifice one for the other.

Let’s add all of this to the list of reasons to feel swamped.

“a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.”

This should be a textbook definition of motherhood rather than burnout. If you are thinking that it is okay. Don’t trick yourself into feeling guilty. Motherhood is hard. It causes stress for so many reasons, and this word prolonged, pretty much means the rest of your life.

Emotional stress is inevitable in motherhood and will vary daily. This is because so many things happen every day that trigger different emotions. Emotional stress includes worry, anxiety, depression, anger, withdrawal, agitation all due to circumstances you may not be able to control. Not to mention the emotions we give to comforting, encouraging, and simply loving our children. One result of dealing with different triggers daily, is ultimately emotional exhaustion.

Physical exhaustion needs no real explanation. Loss of sleep, running errands, never ending cleaning. IT IS EXHAUSTING. This is on top of the logistics of physically carrying.

Carrying your child in your womb, until they are able to walk. Whether you breastfeed, pump your milk, or make bottles…physical work that is exhausting. Diaper changing, changing bedding, carrying sleeping children. All things that take a physical toll on our bodies.

Not to mention, multitasking holding our children while we do all kinds of other things. It takes physical strength to be a mother. That’s why it is important to become as healthy as possible. We need to be able to chase after them and play with them as long as possible. I wrote a post about ways to become a fit mama if you need motivation in that area.

Mental exhaustion

All of this, of course will affect your mental health. As mother’s, we naturally worry about our children’s overall wellbeing. We want to do what’s best for our children and be the best mother we can. We will literally drive ourselves crazy to do so.

As a mother who is diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, as well as anxiety, it is something I must deal with every day. So many things trigger my anxiety, and sometimes it is so hard to pull myself out of it because I can’t always pinpoint the trigger.

There is also the reality of postpartum depression. Mama’s it is so important to prioritize your mental health. There are plenty or resources out there. Talk to your primary care physician. Mom’s Mental Health Matter’s has great information on helping moms identify their thoughts.

“a condition experienced by workers and other professionals, in which they develop depression-like symptoms as a result of aspects of their role.”

Whether a working mom, or stay-at-home mom, you are a professional mother. Motherhood is your lifelong career. The difference is it’s all day every day. No time off, no sick days, no paid vacation.

It is a beautiful job, a blessing. However, breaks are few and far between. Sometimes, it’s just acknowledgement we need. Not appreciation, not praise, not recognition. The acknowledgement of all the role of mother entails.

Motherhood is overwhelming. In addition to all I have mentioned above, our job description includes:

• Anticipating the needs of our children, especially before they can speak
• rarely having anytime to do anything alone (including gathering thoughts)
• being the regulator of the house
• researching independently in order to learn the role
• uplift and encourage our children
• the weight of the responsibility to raise them and upkeep the home

It is a huge job, with little relief. With all the role of a mother requires, it is hard not to become overwhelmed with the job.

Side note:

I would like to mention, in writing this, I have a partner. My husband is wonderful, and he helps with household “chores” as well as parenting just as much as I do. I am grateful, and so appreciative to him for all he does for our family.

I say that to say, everything I have discussed, double it for single mothers. Single mothers have an incomprehensible role and need to be recognized just as much as they need a break. Being a mother working with a father is hard enough. So, I can only imagine the task, and the burden this puts on mother’s working independently.

Motherhood is beautiful, and it is truly a blessing to be in this role. However, this post is to validate your feelings, that it does not always feel like a beautiful blessing. This is not to teach you ways to cope, or ways to balance. I simply want to let you know, you are not alone…and it’s okay.

“a special type of work-related stress”

Motherhood is special. The reason there is “work-related” stress associated with being a mom, is because the job is so important. The most important. The complicated part is that there is no relief from the stress. If it’s not one thing it’s another. It is exhausting to the point of…well…burnout.

As a mother, you are pretty much constantly overwhelmed because you are responsible for managing all the details in you and your families’ daily lives. There’s no break from that. If you do take a break, that typically means double the work when the break is over.

A day in the life of a mom has so many details. It is what is considered a “demanding” job. I think sometimes that is the most frustrating part. No one can truly help with all the details. I personally couldn’t write them all down if I wanted to. This also is not considering the many unforeseen circumstances that arise.

Motherhood is lonely as well. Whether a working mom, or stay-at-home mom, as a professional mother…who are your co-workers? Who are you interacting with during these moments? Who are you collaborating with on tasks and responsibilities?

You are under tremendous pressure, and there isn’t really a solution, only ways to cope.

The biggest truth about motherhood burnout

The hardest part for me, is how much motherhood burnout sometimes overshadows the beautiful moments with my children. I would love spending my day playing and interacting with my children and just enjoying who they are becoming. It irks me when people say how much they envy me being home and playing with my kids all day. I would love that…if that’s what I was doing.

The reality is, prioritizing is so important, but we are only one person. It is nearly impossible to live up to the unrealistic demands we give ourselves yet finding ways around them is just as challenging.

I wrote this because I feel like moms are misunderstood. When we feel like this, we become disengaged and almost robotic but are unable to explain why. I want you to know you are not alone. Many mothers’ experience this…it just isn’t discussed.

There are many ways to cope, come out of this, and try to avoid it in the future. However, my intent now is to help you feel seen and validated. I hope your takeaway is that you are not alone in this journey.

Surviving the day,

Erica